Paris And an Irrational Fear of Dying


Tomorrow The Husband and I are off to Paris for 4 days! Alone. With NO CHILDREN!  I can barely write these words without getting giddy with excitement and feeling my heart beat faster with panic.

This trip is a big deal for us. It’s to belatedly celebrate our 40ths. There were no celebrations at all back in the summer because my father-in-law sadly died mid July, the week before my birthday.

Last year was extremely tough on all of us. It was a horrible year and we somehow muddled through.

So I know we deserve this trip. We deserve a break. We deserve some time away on our own.

But, I’m anxious. I feel worried about leaving the girls for 4 days and 3 nights. I’m anxious about all the lists and things I need to do before I go and get on that Eurostar and I’ve got a bizarre irrational fear about dying whilst we are away.

The Last Time We Went Away Alone

Whilst my husband and I go out a fair bit on our own with friends, we don’t seem to go away or even out alone together as a couple very often.

The last time we had an overnight trip without kids was for a friend’s wedding in Ireland two years ago.

Eva, our youngest was 10 months old and she was at that clingy stage where she wanted me constantly. I couldn’t even go to the toilet without her crying. So when we walked out of my in-laws house to go to the airport and I could hear her screaming, it almost broke my resolve. I was really upset, wondering if we’d done the right thing. This lasted until I was sat in the airport bar with a Gin and Tonic in hand and then I finally began to relax and forget about what was going on at home.

Things I’m Looking Forward to on This Trip:

  • Having a proper rest and a lie in until after 7am. I can’t remember the last time this happened.
  • Experiencing some quality time with The Husband. He’s been working late a lot and we barely scrap a quick conversation together before going to bed.
  • Seeing Paris again. We love the city, have been a few times and got engaged there 7 ago.
  • Enjoying some fantastic food and red wine!
  • Have I mentioned a lie in until after 7am?

Things I’m Anxious About:

  • Our 4 year old will be fine, but Eva aged 2 is a diva and can really play us up. I’m hoping that she won’t give her grandparents and auntie too much of a rough deal, because she can really be exhausting!
  • Remembering to write everything down for the routine for Nanny, Grandad, Auntie and Grandma who are between them looking after the kids over the 4 days. This mainly relates to the school and pre-school run. But what is it about mums and lists? I realise that the grandparents probably won’t even bother to read most of my ramblings, but I feel better for writing routines, favourite foods and other essential instructions down on paper, JUST IN CASE.
  • Just that small matter of my husband and I dying whilst we are in Paris and leaving the girls to be orphans. Is this a normal thing as a parent? Or is it just me? I’m not sure why, but when we went to Ireland, I had a huge irrational fear about dying and leaving the girls alone. I was convinced that the plane would come down over the Irish Sea. I even left a hand written will on the kitchen table with instructions about who was to look after our children.

I know that just as with Ireland two years ago, everything this time will be fine. I know that whilst we will miss the girls, we will have a fantastic time in an amazing city. And I know that once I’ve got a glass of something on the Eurostar I will relax and forget all about the lists and routines of back home.

I look forward to posting all about it next week! x

Super Busy MUm



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