We are in THAT horrible phase when our toddler knows best. You could tell her that the sky is blue and she will say it’s green. You can tell her it’s time for bed and she’ll argue that it’s breakfast time. You can tell her it’s really still the middle of the night and far too early to get up and she’ll stamp her feet and loudly protest otherwise whilst waking everyone else in the house up too.
Not only does she know best about everything, but she wants certain things without fail NOW. Chocolate buttons, her scooter, her bunny. Whatever the toddler wants she must have within precisely 2 seconds or all hell will break loose.
I know it’s her age. I know it’s the “terrible twos” and that it won’t last forever, but my God, I better try and acquire some more patience from somewhere before I end up doing something I’ll regret.
The 7 Things:
1) She Absolutely MUST go to The Toilet on Her Own
She must do EVERYTHING herself regardless of the consequences which often results in a horrible poo smeared mess. I have tried explaining that I don’t have time to be cleaning the toilet, floor and walls every time she goes, but she continues to stamp her foot and insist that she is a big girl and can go to the toilet all on her own.
2) She Must Choose What She Wears Every Day
This was a novelty to begin with. Now I find it irritating at best. All of the decent looking better quality clothes (I can’t say new as 95% of it is hand-me-downs from older sister or cousins), are completely ignored. Instead she insists on wearing the same 5 or 6 items of clothing on rotation either because they are purple or because they have a cute animal embroidered on them. I have taken to hiding a pair of purple spotty jeans that have now shrunk in the wash due to constant wear because if she had her way she would wear them every SINGLE day.
3) Leading nicely into – She Must Dress Herself Every Day
If choosing her own clothes was painful enough, watching her trying to get dressed is excruciating. Why oh why can’t she just accept my help to put her knickers and God forbid tights on? Can’t she understand that it’s traumatic enough trying to suffer the daily issue of the school run for her older sister and that we really must leave the house at 8.25 LATEST?!! Seriously, does it really matter if I do her purple jeans up and not her?
4) If Adverts Interrupt Her TV Viewing
When she wants to watch TV, I normally have a certain staple series of Peppa Pig or Ben and Holly play round on a loop from YouTube on the TV. Heaven help us all if we are watching a live television programme and we are forced to wait a few minutes whilst the adverts are on.
5) If Her Morning Milk isn’t Brought to Her Within 2 Minutes of Asking
The toddler is 2 and a half. She shouldn’t need milk in the morning, but it has become a habit that is now hard to break. I don’t want to get up before 6am to go and get her sodding cup of milk. But likewise, I don’t really want the entire house in meltdown complete with husband shouting and older school daughter crying at being woken up pre-dawn. I know I really should stand my ground, but for the moment, I’ll have to go with this one.
6) There MUST be Nursery Rhymes Playing in The Car
I am in serious trouble if I try to listen to the radio rather than have Wheels on The Bus churning out on the CD player. Which is a tad unfair. If we’re on a long drive to the mother-in-law’s I’d really like the opportunity to listen to the news at some point or sing along to some grown up tunes. If I dare to chance this, perhaps when she looks like she might be on the verge of nodding off, there is a shriek of protest. “Turn the stupid news off Mummy,” or “Don’t sing that song mummy, put on Wheels on The Bus.”
7) She Will Only Eat With The Purple Spoon
We have an array of plastic cutlery along with a complete cupboard devoted to kids’ plates and bowels. The toddler will only consider eating with the purple spoon, preferably from the purple plate accompanied by the purple bowl. If any of these items have inexplicably been delayed in the dishwasher before her breakfast / snack / lunch / dinner, there will be a meltdown. I wouldn’t mind but after a full-blow show down about having the F’ING purple spoon, she quite often proceeds to eat with her fingers, getting food all over the table and floor in the process.
I could go on with this list as invariably there are more than 7 things that can send her into a meltdown. These are just the ones I can recall right now.
One day, I’m sure I’ll look back on this list and laugh. One day.